Hunter Sage Warring.

Hunter Sage is my brother. well, it's actually kinda confusing. let me explain - my older brother Robert was engaged to this girl named Amy. they broke up & about 2 months later she called Robert & told him she was pregnant. me, along with my whole family was excited/suspicious. excited - because Robert was going to have a baby! suspicious - because the time line didn't line up, because they broke up for awhile then got back together, & if she was 2 months pregnant, it couldn't be his. but we stuck with her, & waited patiently. Finally January 5, 2010 Hunter Sage Warring was born. Robert was so excited! he had prepared himself for holding Hunter, & being a dad, he was so happy! we kept Hunter for about 3 weeks after he was born. we noticed something wasn't right with Hunter. every time he ate, about 20 min later he would start puking it all back up. we thought it could of been his formula so we changed it, but it made it worse so we took him to the doctor. they found out that their was a hole in his digestive system, so that's why his formula wouldn't get to his stomach & came back up. but he had surgery & his stomach was fixed! YAY! 

a couple weeks later we got a DNA test, just to be sure. a week later the test results came back - Robert wasn't the father. it broke all of our hearts. Robert was so upset. he had it in head that Hunter was his son, then come to find out it wasn't his. we told Amy that Robert wasn't the father & she didn't have anything to say.....

Hunter stayed with us 5+ days of the week. just because Hunter wasn't Robert's didn't mean we weren't going to keep him. it's sad to say but God only knows where Hunter would be today if we didn't have him.....when we would go out to eat, or go to Spencer's soccer games everyone thought he was mine. they would look at me, look at Hunter, & have that look on there face like "oh my gosh she has a kid". i remember one time we went to Cracker Barrel, & i was holding Hunter. a waiter came by, tapped my shoulder, & said "CONGRATULATIONS!" it was quite funny, but he was just being nice. it didn't bother me, it didn't bother me one bit. 

also, i have a Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/morganwarring) & i have a album just for Hunter. i have all kinds of pictures of him. people who i don't know will comment on the pictures of him & say "he's cute! i didn't know you had a baby!" or something like that. also people who i went to school with will say stuff like "i  didn't know you had a baby!" if people ask me if Hunters mine i say yes, that's my baby boy. i always call him my baby boy.

so the months went on & Hunter grew. he grew in our hearts & in our family. i can remember Gracie smiling holding him, & being so happy with him. even when she was sick, if you brought Hunter into the room her face would light up. she loved that little boy like any of us great grandkids. 






i was there when he first started to smile too, i'll never forget that. he was laying in his seat, & we had a Winnie the Pooh figure above him. i walked over to Hunter & started singing "Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh...." & he smiled! it was awesome! i'll never forget that special moment :)

Hunter is such a blessing to me & my family. i was there when he was born, & i'm still there. it's amazing to see how much he's grown, & who he's grown to be. he has his own personality, he laughs, he knows who i am, he responds, he walks, when he gets a hold of my cell phone he'll hold it up to his ear & try to say "hello",& so much more. it's just so amazing. he's always in a good mood ; always smiling & wanting to play. he started walking a couple of weeks ago, & it made me cry! my little boy is growing up! yes, MY LITTLE BOY IS GROWING UP!!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                i know i've said this already, but i just can't believe how much he's grown up! he just keeps getting bigger, & bigger, & before i know it he's going to be talking & going to pre-school! oh my gosh!!! it kinda makes me sad...but it makes me VERY happy. :)

Hunter means more than anything to me. i'm always gonna be his Mo-Mo & love him & try to give him all i can. :) i never knew that the love i have for him existed. but i'm sure glad i do.

i love you baby boy <3

Valentine's Day.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and Valentine's Day is when you show the one you love you love them.


The last time I wrote in my blog I told you all how I found out some news from Duwayne that crushed me, & I didn't know what to do. We didn't break up, we just talked about everything, & it was settled. Of course I'm still hurt over the matter, but I'm not going to bring it up all the time & hurt our relationship even more. He knew what he did was wrong, & I'm not going to keep bringing it up. 



I've been in love with Duwayne ever since we started dating, & our love has grown so much, & it's still growing. We've both grown as people, & we've both grown in each other's love. I just can't describe my love for him. It's beyond words! <3










Well anyway, back to what I was saying, Valentine's Day was yesterday. I went to the bathroom & took a shower, & when I got out I looked in the mirror & saw that Duwayne wrote me a cute little note in the mirror. 
It might seem lame, but it ment so much to me! i love those cute little notes that just say i love you, it means so much to me! 




After school he had to go get my presents & his hair cut, so I waited around for him until he got here. When he walked in I was on the bed watching t.v. & he came in & cuddled with me. We watched some t.v. & then went into the living room. He kept asking me if I wanted my presets now or later, & I told him later, but he kept asking so I went ahead & opened them.







The first thing he gave me was a card. The card was really heavy, well heavy for a card. I pulled it out & on the front of it there was a picture of a tower, like off of a castle, & the words " You've got me believing that love is real - but nothing about this feels like reality. "  Then I opened it up & the the chorus part of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift was playing - that's why it was so heavy - & inside it said " Good thing I like fairy tales. " That was the PERFECT card for me, I'm the first to believe in fairy tales, & Duwayne is my knight in shining armor. :) 

He kept telling me that I might not like them or something, but I would never hate something that he got me. He told me to close my eyes, I did. I heard a bag rattling & he told me to open my eyes, & when I did he was holding "The Aristocrats" Dvd (One of my favorite disney movies I've been wanting to put in my collection) I was so excited! I looked up again & he had "Snow White" on dvd ( another disney movie I love & wanted in my collection!) And then I looked up again & he had "The Rules according to Jwoww" book. Jwoww is a person of the MTV show Jersey Shore, & she wrote a book. I absolutely LOVE it! I LOVE what he got me! He knows me so well! & him getting that just shows me he knows me so well! Gahhhh ; I'm so lucky! :)

After yesterday I realize now that he really does understand me/know me. I don't mean he never knew me or anything, but he went out all by himself & got me those things. He knows that I love Disney, & what Disney movies I wanted, he knows that I love Jersey Shore so he got me Jwowws book, & he knows that I love fairy tales, so he got me a perfect card! He is truly amazing, & I'm so blessed to have him.


I hope all of you all had an amazing Valentine's Day!

<3

the truth.

this week has been a very tough week for me. it's been very emotional, but it needed to happen. but now that it happened, i don't know what to do.


have you ever had something happen to you, but knew that there was more to the story then what was being told to you? that's what happened to me. this past summer a incident happened that was very hurtful, but i knew that there was more to the story & other things also happened that i knew wasn't the whole truth. i've had this feeling inside of me since June, & now it's February & the truth came out. last night actually. 


a while ago i posted on my blog about the situation. i talked to the people closest to me about the matter because i didn't know what to do. one side said that the other people telling me those things were just doing it to start drama. but then the other side said that it was the truth & they didn't want to admit it. 


the more the days went on it still ate me up inside. stuff wasn't adding up about the situation, & i did try to ignore it, but there was a reason why it kept coming back up. i prayed to God to help me with it, & he did. it hasn't been easy, but i'm trying.


just the thought that these things could be true killed me, but now knowing that they are true....i don't know what to do. i love Duwayne with all my heart & in relationships there's going to be mistakes made. i realized that a long time ago. but the one thing i didn't want him to do....he did. & he's been hiding it from me this whole time. i feel like i didn't matter, like he said "who care's about Morgan". i feel like i wasn't good enough, after 3 years of doing everything i could for him, he still did it. the one thing i didn't want him to do he did. he said he's always wanted to do it & that he just wanted to see what it was like. bullshit bullshit bullshit. if you think of that place....it's not hard to know what it's like & what goes on in there. he blamed other people & i've been so mean to them because of it. & when they tried to tell me the truth, i didn't listen. he told me he's been lying to me because was scared to lose me, & he thought it would just go away. every time i would bring it up or try to sort the situation out he'd yell at me & we would get in fights, & i'd end up bawling my eyes out telling him i was sorry for bringing it up - but he should of been the one telling me sorry. he sat there & watched me cry & say it was my fault each & every single time. i guess i understand why he lied, but that's not fair to me. he did those actions so he should of maned up & told me the truth. maybe i'm being to hard on him, but can you blame me? i found out other things to, & now i look like a total fool. it's been going on for longer than just this summer. i found out he's done it more than once. i think i'm the stupidest person alive, i look like a fool.


but you know something? after he told me the truth, i forgave him that second. i forgave him for everything, i forgave him for lying to me, i forgave him for what he did. breaking up didn't cross my mind, screaming at him didn't cross my mind - holding him while he was crying telling me he was sorry is what i did. i started crying too, & can't describe to you how it felt. my hearts broken from the truth. i'm still upset about everything, & i'm not sure how long it will take to stop these feelings. how do i know it won't happen again or that other things will happen? i don't, & thats what life's about - we don't know whats going to happen. & that's the hardest thing. 


i love Duwayne with all my heart & soul. he's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with, & i never want to lose him. i just hope he'll tell me the truth. i can't make him or anybody do something, or make them not do something. i thought that i was good enough for him not to do those things. i thought my heart & feelings ment something, but it really didn't. he can say that i did matter, but if i did he wouldn't of done what he did. you or anybody else can't tell me any different. it just breaks my heart to know that i didn't matter, after everything we've been through, & everything i've done for him. yes, i could be a bitch but that's no reason to do what he did. & i realize all of this now. hopefully i mean something to him now, so that he won't do stupid shit again. but i can only do so much, he's a big boy & can make his own decisions. 


i know that i sound like a bitch, but i can't help how i feel. i do love Duwayne, & i'm not going to break up with him, our love & our relationship is so much more than that - i'm just so hurt.


i'm praying that things will get better. <3

leader or a follower.

Hmmmmm, lets see here - are you a leader or a follower? 


Apparently, when people don't know you, don't know ANYTHING about you, & if you don't have proof/pictures on your Facebook about the things - it means your trying to be like them, because you all have similar things in common, & that makes you a follower of them.


NO, IT REALLY DOESN'T, IT MEANS YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SOMEONE & YOU THINK THEY WANNA BE LIKE YOU.


I'm so fed up with this High School drama. But, the funny thing is - they are the ones who start it. Makes total sense doesn't it? NOPE!


So, I guess I'm a follower Buddy Valastro because I like to bake & I'm going to open up my own Bakery - even tho I've been baking for hmmm, my whole life, & I've going to Culinary School? Good one.


Oh, & I guess I'm a follower of the Diesel Whores Association because I like trucks, - even tho I actually know stuff about trucks besides what a stack is, what you can call the truck, & what company makes the truck.


I do know one thing FOR SURE I'm not a follower of - I'm definitely not a follower of a CHEATER - I definitely don't go to strip clubs & get lap dances, I don't go on websites & get girls numbers so they can send pictures/videos of them selfs doing things, oh & last but not least - I don't let someone of the opposite sex sleep in the same bed, have sex with them & NEVER tell the person I'm dating & I'm supposedly "In Love With" the TRUTH.




So, when you meet someone & they show you what kind of stuff they like & the stuff they do, you should probably believe it. Just because they don't have pictures of every single freakin' thing they like or have, doesn't mean they don't have those things or they like things. Oh, & don't think they're trying to be like you. I mean seriously, who would want to be like you? Ha. Your just pathetic.  :)

Blah.

Nothing's really been going on lately.


Ohio is still snowy, I still miss everyone, I'm still doing my best to lose weight, & I need a job.


Well since Duwayne's playing Call Of Duty : Black Ops, I'll keep writing.


Since  January 1, 2011 I've lost 10 pounds. Today is January 28, 2011 - so I've lost either 2 or 3 pounds each week, & it hasn't been easy. I've been drinking 3 protein shakes a day, & when I do eat solid food I make the best choices I can. Like a grilled chicken sandwich or so. I've worked out some, but I feel a little uncomfortable doing it in my apartments gym. There are usually other people in their & they BLAST music I don't care for, & make me feel weird. I try to get over it as much as I can because in order to lose weight you need to burn calories, but it's just hard to when you don't want to because your uncomfortable. Where I used to live they had a huge place that you could go workout at, or play basketball, walk the track, lift weights, or swim - in the workout room there were T.V.'s for you to watch what you wanted to, & in order to watch it you needed to have head phones, so the noise wouldn't bother the other people working out, but here they have 2 T.V.'s they play loudly & then have a radio that BLARES Rap stuff & I feel that if I put headphones in my phone & listen to my Jason Aldean station on Pandora they'll think I'm to good for their music or something, I don't know, I'm weird I guess. & I don't have the money to pay $5 a day at a exercise place... so I can either workout at the apartments gym, or in my apartment on my Wii - even tho I need the Wii balance board to workout on the Wii - so basically I'm screwed & not burning the calories I could be burning. Things just take time.


UGH WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING BE EASYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!


But, ya know I'm doing the best I can & that's all I can do! 


I've talked to Nandy & she wants me to come down on my mom's Spring Break & then stay another week because then it will be my Aunt Mairbeth's Spring Break. So for 2 weeks I'd be down in Florida. It sounds like a great idea, & I'd love to do it, but I'm going to miss Duwayne. I know it's not like I won't ever see him again, I just know I'll miss him - but I want to spend as much time with my grandparents as I can since they moved to Florida. & Duwayne's Spring Break isn't until like the end of April. : \ I'm pretty sure I'm going to go. I've still been having some moments throughout the day of the past. I think of Nandy & Grandaddy's old house, & every memory I've had with them. I can't help but cry. :( I know I need to be stronger, but I can't help it. Does that make sense? & I've also been thinking about the future & getting upset. I think about getting old, the people I love getting old, & how someday they aren't going to be here & it makes me hurt so bad. Yes, I know that I can't think like that either, & I don't know why I have been. I think it's because of what happened this past Summer, when Gracie & Grandaddy passed away. I'm so scared now, I'm so scared of feeling that pain again, I'm just so scared. I know that nobody can live forever, & that one day I'll see everybody in Heaven again - I'm just such an emotional person : if it's not one thing it's another. But I've been getting better. Just keep me in your prayers please.


Well, there really isn't much else to say, so see ya later & God Bless! <3

Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's is a brain disease that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior.

My Granddaddy has Alzheimer's.

My Grandparents (Nandy and Grandaddy) flew up from Florida last week to attend a funeral; Grandaddy's sister passed away. The day they flew up I was leaving to go back to Cleveland, but they we're going to stay all week, so on Thursday when I came back home from Cleveland I dropped Duwayne off and went to go see them at my parents house.

It was about 8:30 p.m. and they were  listening to K-Love ( a local Christian station ). I thought they were asleep, but when I walked in Nandy's eyes got big and she said "Hey babygirl!" She sat up from bed and we hugged each other. Grandaddy was laying on the other side of the bed looking at me with his blue eyes. "Hey Grandaddy!" I leaned over and gave him a kiss on his forehead, and he didn't say a word. He had a look on his face, like he was happy to see me, but he had no idea why he should be happy to see me. I didn't say anything, I just looked away and started talking to Nandy. We talked about what's been going on, and how the flight was, and everything else for about 15 min. Grandaddy just layed there looking at me, smiling every so often when I looked at him, acting like he knew every single word I was talking about, but he had no idea. I was getting tired from the drive and I told them that I would come over tomorrow to come see them. I kissed them both goodbye, and drove back to Duwayne's house.

That night while I was laying in bed in the dark all I could think about was the past. I thought about how much I took for granted all of those times. I thought about how just 2 years ago he wasn't like this. I thought about Nandy and Grandaddys house. I thought about taking those simple trips to Baskin Robbins to get ice cream or yogurt with them. I thought about the Christmas's, Easter's, Birthday's, and other celebration's we had at their house. I thought about Summer when we would spend all day and night swimming in their pool.

 I thought about every single room of their house. I thought about the times when I was little and Grandaddy would mow the lawn he would let me ride on his lap. I thought about the 1,000's of times I rode my bike around their drive way. I thought about how everytime we came over Grandaddy would be sitting on the front porch drinking a diet coke, and how everytime we would leave he'd be doing the same thing. I thought about going to UK basketball games with him. I thought about him calling me his baby girl. I thought about everything. I thought about how Grandaddy use to know who I was, and now he doesn't.

We started seeing signs about 2 years ago. It started out Grandaddy would forget that someone called, then it grew to him going outside to get the mail and halfway outside he forgot what he was doing, then it grew to him not knowing who anybody was.

My Grandaddy has no idea who I am, or who anyone else is. I don't even know if he knows who Nandy is. He doesn't remember all of those memories, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't know anything.

I wish I could go back and do so much more. I wish I told him I loved him more, I wish I hugged him longer, I wish things were so much different.

Nandy is the one that I know is mostly hurt. The man she fell in love with, had a family with, and built a life with has no memory of any of it, and she deals with it each and every day. The second she wakes up she takes care of him. Cooks his meals, dresses him, and talks to him like nothing has changed. I don't think that she or anybody thought about if the one they fall in love with and marry will one day forget about them. But in the Bible it says -

1 Corinthians 13:4 - 13 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

That's what keeps Nandy going. She loves Grandaddy, and she would never give up on him. She's always going to be right there next to him and never think about giving up on him - because if it was the other way around, I know Grandaddy would be doing the same exact thing for the one he loves.

Just because Grandaddy has Alzheimer's doesn't mean that I should give up, or stop loving him like I did before. I still have hope that the Grandaddy I grew up with and spent my life with is still in there somewhere. I still have hope that someday he's going to come back and it be like it used to be. I still have hope that Grandaddy is going to call me his baby girl again.

<3

People.

Sometimes I wish I had the power of knowing why people do the things they do.


Why do people lie? Why do people steal? Why do people kill? Why do people love? Why do people abuse? Why do people say the things they say? Why do people act the way they do? Why, why, why?


That's always a question I've asked myself. & I've always wished that I had the answer to it.


I have a Facebook http://www.facebook.com/morganwarring & my status tonight was similar to this blog. I've had people walk all over me ;- & I use to take it & not say anything. They knew I wouldn't say anything. I would sit there & let them say/do things to me they knew was disrespectful. & I would take it. 


I'm a very sweet person, really I am. I've never been in a fight, talk to everyone, & don't start drama. So why do people think it's okay to disrespect me?


My New Years Resolution was to not take crap from anyone, & I've stood by it. :) I'm not going to let people walk all over me anymore or disrespect me & think it's okay.


If you can't respect me, & my feelings - your not going to be in my life.