Growing Up.

As a child, I remember wanting to grow up. At 5 years old I wanted to live in my Dream House, which consisted of a pool with a water slide, a huge back yard full of children, a front porch with wooden rocking chairs so I could sit their & relax, a grauge filled with my baby blue convertible for Sundays & my mini van for Monday - Saturday, and a dinning room that could fit my whole family at for dinner so we could all be together for once. I wanted to be married to the Guy I fell in love with in School, because that's where Gracie met Charlie. <3 I wanted 3 children, 2 boys & a girl, a Husky named Blue, a job where I could work from home, and I would never have to worry about money.....sounds great doesns't it? :)


I can still remember those nights when I was younger lying in my bed, & looking up at the celing wondering who I was going to be when I was older. Was I going to be in Love? Was I going to save aminals? Would I ever get married? Would I ever have children? Would I be able to support them?


I grew up a lot faster then my friends did. In 2th grade when my friends we're writing notes to boys about how they liked them, I was replaying the arguments from the night before. My parents & my older brother never got along for as long as I can remember.Like I can remember being woken up by screams & yells & my little brother running into my room looking for me to hold him while we both cried. I protected him from all the fights & he knew I would never let anything happen to him.


There were nights that I didn't sleep at all because I was so scared of what could happen next.There were nights I prayed to God, "GOD PLEASE STOP THIS!!" while I cried myself to sleep.


Not every family is perfect, no, & I understand that. But as a child growing up with fighting, & crying, & sadness, you start to see more things, & feel things you've never felt before.


In 5th grade I was diagnosed with Depression. My mom couldn't believe I was because she never saw the side of me that was depressed. Fights & arguments were just a daily thing, & so as soon as I got home I'd go straight to my room, shut the door, & put on Spongebob so I couldn't hear most of the fighting.


But when they weren't fighting my dad was a Dentist, a football coach, & president of the football leauge. My mom was a assistant, & helped my dad with everything. They were never really home, & to me that killed me. :(  I always had "Pizza Hut" or "McDonalds" for dinner, I've never onced have had a home cooked meal. I've never sat down with all of my family & had dinner together. Except for the Holidays, but that doesn't count. & this might sound crazy but it really hurt me. :(  All of my friends had dinner with their families, so why couldn't I?


But as I got older I just dealed with the fighting. Of course I cried myself to sleep, & I prayed it would stop, but it was just always better to hold it in. My parents we're there for me, but I relied more on myself then them. My emotions & outlook on everything was much more different then my friends.


Since then I've became to who I am today. My name is Morgan Elizabeth Warring & I'm proud of the person I am. I'm independent, but I don't mind a helping hand, I've learned not to take everything so seriously, & I believe I can do anything I set my mind too.


Recently I made a big choice. I decided to move to Cleveland, OH with my boyfriend Duwayne. Sounds crazy, I know, but I love him & I know I made the right decision. :)  We have our own apartment, & it's really helped me. I've learned to budget my money, & realize that I can finally be my own person. We both make money, & we spend it wisley. & if you would of asked me in 5th grade where I thought I was going to be in 8 years, I would of never thought this, but that's a good thing - it was something unpredictible.  :)


I've also realized how much money really means in this world. Because when your not paying for everything with your own money it seems like it's not that hard, but when you do start paying for the gas in your car to get you to where you need to go, the tolit paper to whipe your butt, the food you put in your stomach to eat, the tylonal you take after working a 11 hr shift, or the $6.25 your boyfriend has to use because he forgot his safety glasses & has to buy a new pair, you realize how every single penny counts!


Recently Duwayne & I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. One of those things was tolit paper. We went down the asle & 6 rolls of 1 ply tolit paper cost around $4.00 & so I grabbed that. Duwayne looked at me in disgus & said, " If you ever buy 1 ply tolit paper I'm going to break up with you." He was joking of course ( I hope) & he took the 1 ply out of the cart & got 6 rolls of 3 ply Charmin & it cost around $7.50. I couldn't believe how much of a difference price was in tolit paper! I mean come on!


But I've gotten a little better. I mean, I'm still not going to spend $12.00 on McDonalds for me & him when I can go to Georgios & get a large pizza for 4.99, come on you can't beat that! I mean, if I got pizza every night for us it would be $35 - 1 pizza (5.00) x 7 days = 35, insted of going to the store & spending $85.


I can honestly say I would never of thought I'd be where I'm at today, but I'm glad I am. <3


Everything I've gone through, & have been put through has made me who I am today. Growing up is just a part of life, & even tho it hit me earlier then I expected it too, I'm glad that it happened the way it did.

Forgiveness - the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation, or anger agains another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

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The Bible says; -

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Colossians 3:13  

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Right now, I'm having a really hard time with Forgivness. Yes, I am a Christian and believe in everything the Bible says. About Forgiveness, the Bible says to forgive everyone, no matter how wrong they have done wrong to you. & that is my problem right there.

I feel like if i Forgive them, then they'll think it was okay to do, & they could do it again, because I won't do anything but Forgive. 

If your wondering what happend to me that is upseting me right now oh, so, much - it's something I don't want to say because it's personal - but I'll give you a short version.

This past Summer, a incident in which my Boyfriend & his & my "Best Friend" knew I didn't approve of AT ALL, happened, & still to this day is being brought up again all the time. Me & my boyfriend ended up breaking up over it, but then got back together, but their's still some upset feelings about the matter. I asked both of them what happened & they both said NOTHING HAPPENED & my boyfriend promised on our love that nothing happened.. Yes, I looked like a fool for taking him back after what he did to me, because he, & everyone else knew I didn't approve of it, and God didn't either, but I love him & took him back, but if ANYTHING like that happends again, we'll be done.

Well then, about 3 months ago, the "BEST FRIEND" told me that other things did happen at the incident. So I asked my boyfriend about it & he got mad & said it was a lie & that I need to believe him. & still to this day the "Best Friend" says that other things happened & that my boyfriend of over 3 years is lying to me, but my boyfriend says he's lying.

But the thing is, my boyfriend & the "Best Friend" are still friends? Like they text & speak to eachother?

Let me ask you this, if your "Best Friend" was telling your girlfriend/boyfriend that other stuff happend the night that you did something she/he NEVER want dyou to do.....wouldn't you be mad? Am I just stupid or something? Because if my "Best Friend" was telling my boyfriend lies about ANYTHING at all, I wouldn't even speak of their name, we WOULD NOT be friends. So why won't my boyfriend do something about this? Is it because my boyfriend is the one who lied & is scared because the "Best Friend" told on him & doesn't want to admit it or what?! Why does it keep being brought up if my boyfriend told me the truth?! I've prayed on the matter & done all I can, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?  

I believe my boyfriend 110% - I just don't understand. :(

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?!?!?

Like seriously, what am I supposed to do? Okay, okay, yes I know, forgive them. Like, I have forgave him, but I still have those hurt/upset feelings/anger inside me. Are they just supposed to "POOF" dissapear?! That seems so hard to do :( God PLEASE help me through this!

Is God doing this so the whole truth will come out? I wish I knew, because it really upsets me that it's being brought up all the time!

& ya know, God does know everything that happends, & everything that happened that night & he knows who is lying & telling the truth. But why can't I?

I don't know what to do! It's eating me up inside, God why does something that hurts me keep being brough up?


So, after hearing this, yes you can see that I'm hurt & that God still wants me to forgive them. But is he waiting for me to see the whole truth or something?

I forgive them, even tho they broke my heart, so then why do I have all of these feelings inside me?

:(

Ugh.

Goodbyes.

goodbyes are one of the hardest things i will ever have to do. i HATE saying goodbye. when i say it, i feel like i won't ever see that person again, thats why i say "bye" & not "goodbye". there is a huge difference. when i say "bye" i feel like i'll see them tomorrow or sometime soon, but when i say "goodbye" i feel like i'll never see them again.

Duwayne leaves every Sunday around 3 p.m. & each time gets harder & harder for me. he's my other half ;& each time he drives down the driveway to go back to school, so does the other half of me. i won't see him again untill Thursday night, & even tho that's 4 days, it feels like forever, & i absolutely HATE it!

i feel so lonely when he's not here with me. yes, i have everyone else here still, but their not Duwayne :(

i'll be moving up with him in 55 days - or hopefully sooner. i'm counting down the days untill i get to move up there & be with him everyday again.

i will never tell duwayne goodbye, never ever, because i will never have the thought of him leaving me forever, thats why i will only say bye.

he's my everthing & i just can't wait till were together forever. <3



i recently found out that my Grandparents - nandy & grandaddy - will be moving to their house in Florida at the end of this month. currently they are living in a senior citizen area here in Georgetown & paying to live there, & they are also paying for the house they used to live in - in Versailles. they're trying to sell the house in Versailles, but the economy is so bad they can't. they'll be moving down to Florida at the end of the month. the house in Florida is paid for & they only pay for the utilities, & that's all they can afford.

i'm going to have to say bye to them, & i don't know if i'm going to be able to do it.  :( 

it was hard enough to say goodbye to their old house in Versailles - the one that held every Christmas dinner, Thanksgiving dinner, birthdays, & Sunday dinners; the house that has held so many of my childhood memories- from riding on the lawn mower with Grandaddy, to swimming in the big pool every hot summer day, the memories will never fade from my heart, but it was so hard saying goodbye to that big house.

but now their moving all the way to Florida, & i don't know when i'll see them again. i honestly don't know what i'm going to do. :(


one of the hardest goodbyes i've ever had to say to was to Gracie - my great grandmother who passed away this past summer. i was on my way home from vacation when i got the news & i'll never forget it.

Gracie wasn't just my great grandmother, she was my hero, & she's who i want to be. even at such a old age she was so full of life, & praised God & prayed for every single person every single day. she's always in my heart & i think about her every single day.

i'll never forget the day of her funeral, it was held at the Church she went to in Versailles, & we went to many times too. & when i walked in i saw her laying there, so peacefully, & i knew she was there with all of us. after the funeral i walked up to her casket & layed my hand on the casket & told her that i loved her & that she willl always be with me. as i looked at her for the last time i touched her hand, looked at her, & told her goodbye.


this is why there is a difference in "byes" & "goodbyes" for me.



& you will never hear me say goodbye.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder.

Today was a very difficult day for me. Instead of waking up next to the love of my life, I woke up by myself, looking at to the red pillow he always sleeps with. Duwayne left for College today. He's going to OTC (Ohio Technical College) in Cleveland, Ohio. Him and his dad had to go be up there at the College at 12 p.m. so he could get his apartment & get his schedule. It's supposed to be about a 6 hr drive, but when Duwayne drives, it takes only 4 1/2 - 5 hours. Yes, even in a Ford Taurus my baby still thinks he's driving a Atom.(one of his dream cars)

 

We recently celebrated our 3 year anniversary - yes, I said 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, on September 16, 2010. We went to Applebees - our traditional favorite, & I got a diamond heart necklace :) I gave him his present earlier, which was a gun. Most High School relationships don't last - but ours did. :) & I'm the luckiest girl in the world. <3


Ever since we started dating, I've never gone without maybe, say a week ( because of vacation ) with out seeing him, and today has made me realize that he's really moving up there & I won't see him everyday like it has been. :(

Ugh. Just Ugh. :(

Now, don't think I'm crazy, or that I'm acting like a 3 year old, I've just never cared & loved for someone so much. Yes, it might be only for 4 days out of the week, but I just don't know how I'm going to emotionally deal with not seeing him everyday. Hmph :(

But as the saying goes "Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder." & I know that we'll get through this, that's no problem, it's just going to be hard. Ya Know?

When my school semester is over on December 11th, I will be moving up there. We're going to get a apartment & I'll be transferring jobs & I pray that he'll have one by then. I'm actually VERY excited about it. A NEW chapter in my life, with the love of my life. :) Oh, & I will also be taking care of the money, because we can't afford to buy crap just yet. :)

Many people think I'm making a huge mistake & that I'll regret this, but they won't listen to me to see I'm not. Yelling & screaming doesn't get anybody anywhere except fights, & when I try to explain to people about my decisions & all they do is yell & scream at me, do you blame me for not wanting to listen to that?

But I have many people supporting me & praying for me with this decision & that's all I can ask for.

I love Duwayne, & I love everything about him. Not being able to see him everyday will be hard, yes, but with God & love anything is possible.

I love you Duwayne <3

Fall Time!

Oh man, oh man, it's FALL! My totally favorite season! I love the way the tree leaves change colors & the start of FOOTBALL season!

Also since it is Fall Time that means the colors brown & orange are totally in!

& since I have Hazel eyes when I wear brown or orange my eyes POP!

& when my eyes POP it makes me feel great!





My favorite "Fall" shirt is a Orange long sleeve American Eagle polo I got from "Playtos Closet" for only $12. Originally priced at $27 I got it for &12. GO ME! I just can't spend $27 on a polo just because it comes from American Eagle & it has a Eagle logo on it. I could go to Mcdonalds with the money I save & get a Carmel Frappachino. Heck yes!

I wore my Orange Polo for my Senior pictures & they turned out great. Here's some pictures. -

Oh yes, they turned our awsome!

Fall time also means Football Season starts. For the past 3 years I would be at the Football Stadium every Friday night at 7:30 to watch Duwayne. #43 or #51 because they got new Jerseys the last season of Football.

I wasn't supposed to actually wear his jersey but I like to break the rules. :)










But since Duwayne & I are no longer at Scott County we have no reason to go to the Football Games, but we still do.

Well I have to go get ready now so see ya later!

:)




"I LOVE FOOTBALL DO YOU LOVE FOOTALL?!"

"WE LOVE FOOTBALL!!!"

Hello? Is anyone there?

Well,
To anyone who is/ever does read this/who wants to read this/who even cares to read this - hi. :) I don't know what I'm really supposed to do with these things or how I'm supposed to do them but I'm gonna try. I made this because I want to write down my thoughts & feelings & things I go through everyday. It's kinda like therapy without someone giving you the "oh my gosh is she ever going to shut-up" look on their face. So, with that being said - Welcome to my life & mind - enter if you dare!

I guess I'll just start out by telling whoever about myself.

My names Morgan Elizabeth. I just graduated from High Shool & now I'm going to College. I actually almost didn't graduate High School because 4 months into my Senior Year they realized/informed me that I need Health to graduate. & guess who didn't? Yupp, ME! Somehow they never schedualed me to have Health or I overlooked it, I really don't know, but I had to take a S-T-U-P-I-D online class for Health for me to be able to graduate. & you might be thinking "Why is she crying about a online Health class? That sounds easy." HAH! I say to your face! IT'S NOT! You know when your actually in a class (for example Spanish) & your taking a test & you come to a question you don't know & so you look next to you at Billy Tom's paper & see he has the answer so you copy if off of him? Welp when your doing a on-line class YOU CAN'T DO THAT & IT'S HORRIBLE! Yeah, yeah I know that's cheating & I should have studied & blah blah blah, but this is my blog & what I say sucks sucks! It's freaking Health - I mean really? I "learned" stuff from that class that no one has ever even had to learn about in a real health class. Like "What was the leading cause of death is 1923." or "What a fingernail is made out of." or "What kind of emotion makes you feel sad, depressing, and want to kill yourself?" Good Lord! I'm never going to have to use that in my life EVER!

But, enough about the stupid Health class lets get back to me. I'm going to College & it's pretty easy. I have a job that I actually enjoy doing, a family that I love very much, & a boyfriend that I've been with for almost 3 years as of 9/16/07 (of course not including the 5 "break-ups".

This past summer I lost my Great Grandmother - Gracie & Grandaddy Warring. Gracie was my mom's grandmother, & Grandaddy Warring was my dad's dad. Gracie was very old & had survived cancer many times & was really sick & hurting. I was comming home from Myrtle Beach when I found out. & Grandaddy Warring was really shocking, Robert found him when he went to his house just to check on him. It was really bad. It's been a really hard summer. I really miss them, but I know they're with the Lord happy, healthy, & smiling. :)

Hmmmmm what else can I say? OH! I drive a Scion TC! I first drove a Toyota Highlander but then my parents got me my dream car :) It's shiny black & very pretty.

Welp, that's all for now.