H2 vs. Marauder

This is a Hummer. A H2 if you want to get technical. This is the vehicle I drive every day. It gets 9.4 MPG. Gas cost roughly $3.60 a gallon. Wondering why I have a H2? Let me explain...... 

When I was in High School & got my drivers license my parents had a Toyota Highlander, which meant I was going to get the Highlander to drive. I drove it all through High School, & for Graduation I wanted a new car. My parents traded in the Highlander & I got the car I wanted.

This beauty right here, this is Sierra - Sierra the 2010 Scion TC. I got her for my graduation present. She had a sun roof & a moon roof! I loved her so much! I took excellent care of her; washed her, vacuumed her, & LoVeD her! I finally had something that I wanted that was MINE! My brother has ALWAYS gotten EVERYTHING he wanted. His 1st car was a expedition, then he got a Duramax, then he got a H2, then he got a Cummins. He never paid for any of them, he just got them handed to him. Must be nice right? But back to Sierra ; she was mine, not my brothers, or moms - MiNe!  

When I decided to move to Cleveland,Ohio with Duwayne I thought that I would take Sierra with me so I would have my own car while I was up there so I could get to my job, go to the store, etc. Well, Sierra was on a lease. Which meant I could only put 12,000 miles on her a year. So going back & forth from Cleveland to Georgetown would defiantly add the miles on her & per every mile it would cost some amount of money (which I can't remember right now). & being on a lease meant if ANY damage happened to her we would have to pay more money to fix it, & if you know anything about Cleveland, you know they get a crap load of snow. Snow, ice, hail, all that lovely stuff that makes people have wrecks. So I decided to leave Sierra here at my parents house, & when I would move back I would get her back. Easy Peasy, so I thought.....

 WRONG!

The day before I moved back home from Cleveland my dad told me he was leaving.....but he failed to mention he was taking my car. When I got back home my mom had her Mustang & my brother had the Hummer. Robert decided he was going to go to Florida to get away from everything, so he drove down there in the Hummer. Me & mom were up here with 1 car. 2 months later Robert came back home & he got a Cummins*. Since he had a car, & mom had a car, I got the Hummer to drive. I totally LOVED driving the Hummer! I felt so bad ass! I'm usually never wanting people to look at me, but when they did in the Hummer I ate it up! Cocky? Nahhh - Happy :) 

I felt so safe in The Hummer. I was bigger then any other car on the road. Duwayne wasn't scared when I drove, he knew I was safe driving it. They are safe, 

The whole reason why I brought up The Hummer was because today, before Duwayne was leaving for Cleveland we were watching one of our favorite shows Top Gear. This episode was talking about the 

Marauder. 

 

Marauder--------------->

  

 

The Marauder is from Africa. It's a army truck. (Like the Hummer) It cost $300,000. Has 12 seats. The windows don't roll down, they just have little holes so you can point your gun out & shoot people. You have to get a background check to purchase one. It's a diesel, & it get's 31.5 MPG!

In the episode they talked about how The Marauder is 3 X'S the size of a Hummer, & all of the cool things it does & yeah. In one scene, they show The Marauder driving over 2 cars in the parking lot of a resturant. We all said how cool it was & I made the comment, "That's why you don't leave your children in the car." I don't know why I said that, but when I did Duwayne & Jessi* started cracking up! Duwayne made the comment, "After 4 years you finally make a funny joke!" Was that supposed to be a compliment? That's how I took it. I felt pretty good about myself. :) hahaha!

But back to the Marauder ; - if I could afford that mug I would in a heart beat! It's 4 wheel drive, there's plenty of room in it for your kids, it gets 31.5 MPG, & it's safe as crap! The PERFECT mom mobile! Even tho I don't have kids, & don't plan on it for A LONG TIME, that thing would last FOREVER! Duwayne said he's going to buy me one, so when he does I'll blog about it & upload pictures!

The other part of this whole post is to tell you that if you are thinking about getting a Hummer - DO NOT!!!!!

starting fresh.

It's been forever, I know, I know. It's been crazy. We moved into a duplex. It just sucks that we had to move out of the house we* have all of our memories in, & grew up in. It actually really sucks.....

I try as much as possible to avoid driving passed the house. But, it's kind of hard when it's on Main Street. Even if I have to take a different way somewhere & it cost me 5 minutes, I'll do it.

I wouldn't say that things are going great, they are going...good. I've been doing all I can to make everyone happy. I'm being the back bone, the mother, the therapist, the provider ; basically SUPER WOMAN. But of course that's never enough. 

I'm not trying to sound crabby, or not thoughtful, but people need to remember that I'm still a child, & I'm still in this whole thing too. He is still my dad & she is still my mom. I'm still in this. I can only take so much, & once I blow my top it's not a good idea to put MORE* on me. 

I'm trying to help people grow in this. Meaning, learn how to not rely on me for everything, how to find themselves, & how to be their own person. I didn't just leave with a suit case & have nothing to do with them. I still visit, talk, & do what I can. Even tho I still get called somethings, & get treated like I'm the one who left -  I still do what I can.

I need to work on myself, & grow.

On a happier note, me & Duwayne celebrates our 4 year anniversary yesterday*! 4 YEARS BABY! Can I get a Whoop Whoop?! (saying to myself in my head 'WHOOP WHOOP'!) Gosh, I am SO in love with him! For our Anniversary I made him a scrap book. Every year that we've been together, I make him a scrap book of everything we've done that year. I didn't have enough money last year/this year to get him anything, so I combined that year & last year in this scrap book. It's very cute, I must say! 

He got me The Lion King Trilogy. The Lion King is my FAVORITE movie EVER! Yes, I'm 19 years old, & that's my favorite movie. Don't Hate! & so, for our anniversary, Duwayne took me to the Movie Tavern* to see The Lion King! ANY guy who will take their girlfriend to see a Disney Movie for their anniversary date is AmAzInG!! & yes, he is amazing! 

Duwayne means EVERYTHING to me! We started dating our Sophomore year in High School, & are still together....4 years later! I don't have any doubts, or thoughts about us not being together, or wanting to be with someone else. He is my soul mate, & the one I will spend the rest of my life with. <3 He's helped me so much through everything that's going on. Bless his heart, I've been bi-polar but he sticks with me & tells me everything will be okay. I'm so blessed to have him. :)

* WE - Myself, older brother Robert, little brother Spencer, my Mom, & little brother Hunter.

* MORE - emotions, guilt, etc.

* YESTERDAY - 9-16-2011

* MOVIE TAVERN - A place that shows movies & you can eat meals. (Buffalo Chicken Wraps, Fries, Steak, Etc.)

L0VE.

love. such a simple word, but has so much meaning.

what is love? what is being in love?

there are many things people could say, but for me, love is everything. love is the smile you get across your face each & every time you see them. love is the feeling of security you have when they hold you tight in their arms. love is knowing the mistakes they've made, but excepting them & still wanting to be with them. love is doing the simple, little things for them, the little things that mean the world to them. love is admitting your mistakes, & working on them. love is wanting to be with them for the rest of your life, & just the thought of not makes you sad. love is trying to be the best you can, & if you make a mistake you work on it to make it better.

love is what happened to me when i met duwayne. he is my everything. & when i say everything, i mean it. we've been through so much together, & we both know we'll be together forever. <3

duwayne & i have been together for a very long time. almost 4 years in september!we met in 9th grade science, & were best friends. then at a truck pull our sophmore year we started dating. sure, we've had our bumps in the road, & have challenged each other, but it's made it all  worth it. i wouldn't trade it for anything. he knows everything about me & i know everything about him. i have a horrible memory, & sometimes it doesn't seem like i don't listen when i really did/am, & it kills me. i've always had that problem, & i'm still trying to this day to get a better memory.


i used to want to be engaged as soon as possible. i wanted it so bad that i kept bugging & bugging & bugging duwayne about it ; which was a bad idea. i now realize that good things come with time. & when it's the time for us to be engaged, it will happen. & i'm not going to lie - I CAN'T WAIT! i mean, i know we're going to be together forever, i guess just being FINALLY engaged makes it 10x better. does that sound bad?

even if duwayne doesn't ask me for another 3 years or 5 years i will always be with him, & love him, & marry him someday. i don't need a big fancy ring ; a ring pop would be just fine with me. :) 

i love my booskie bear so much, & he is my definition of love. <3

Changes.

Okay, you don't have to tell me. It''s been about 2 months since I've done this. I'm trying!

& what a 2 months it's been............

Before Easter I decided to move back home to Kentucky with my family to help out. Some things were going on & I knew I needed to be there. Friday was my last day at McDonalds, then Duwayne & I would head home. I talked to Duwayne earlier in the week about me moving back home. I didn't want him to think I was just moving back home just because, I wanted him to know that when I decided to move up there in December I planned on staying there in Cleveland with him until he was done with school, & I never intended on leaving. Well, the Thursday before we came home I got a call & was told that my dad wasn't happy & was moving out. My heart completely broke. I knew that things had been "different" around the house the past couple of month, but i didn't think this would happen. My whole world came crashing down. When I was growing up I was always told fairy tales. Like the Disney ones. Tales about how the princess found her one true love & they lived happily ever after. Stories about how after you get married you'll live happily ever after. Nothing would ever go wrong, & everything would be perfect. You would always love each other, & always do everything possible to keep your love going strong. But that's not always how it is, & that freaking sucks. :(

Well it's been a couple of weeks since I moved back home & it hasn't been the easiest. Emotions have been up & down, & I'm doing the best I can for everyone. I got my job back at the McDonalds I worked at before I moved up to Cleveland, & I'm training to be a crew trainer, then a Manager. :) It might not seem like much but it is to me. I've gotten a lot closer with my mom too. She's been doing everything she can for us (her children) like taking me to work at 4:45 a.m. every morning, taking Spencer to school, cleaning up poopy diapers, & even Rocky's presents he leaves for us in the morning while we're running late. I don't know what I would do without my mom. I love her so much.

I'm keeping my faith in the Lord, & I have the best boyfriend, friends, & family in the world who are here for me. I love you all so much, & thank you for everything you all do for me. <3

If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away.

Wow, it's been awhile, sorry. Let me catch you up on some things. I finally got a job up here. I'm a proud worker at McDonalds! I usually work mornings. Either 7-3 or 8-4. I like 7-3 because I get up when Duwayne does, get to kiss him goodbye, & be back at the apartment only a hour after he get's there. When I applied for the job I told them I couldn't (wouldn't) work past 5pm, because I wanted time for mine & Duwayne's relationship. Also, so if I had the weekends off we could leave to go back to Kentucky after I got off work. It's been working out pretty swell. :)


Well at work my job is front counter. I greet the customers, take their orders, & take their money. We rarely have no more than 2 people at the counter every 10 minutes, so I have a lot of time to "stay busy". Just like ANY other McDonalds, I have the group of seniors who come in every morning, & get the same thing. They walk through the door & I have their senior coffee with 2 creams, a oatmeal, & 2 apple pies rung up on the screen & on the tray for them - & I'm just waiting for them to pay.  They make my day! So far I've met a man who's met Elvis Presley's cousin, a man who plays in a country band at a retirement home every week, a Veteran who was in World War II : Iwo Jima, & a woman who is in love with my hazel eyes & my smile. They (with others) sit in a section in front of me & sit for hours sipping on their coffee, talking about whatever they can.

It got me to thinking about my Grandaddy Warring. Grandaddy Warring used to sit up at our local McDonalds every morning sipping on a coffee talking to his buddies about whatever they could. Just enjoying eachothers company, & not worrying about a thing. I sure do miss him. A lot. 




It's funny, ya know ; when your brought into this world it doesn't matter how hard you try not to, your going to have heart ace & pain at some time. You can go all your life doing good things, but one day while your at work you can get the news that your grandpa died, & your heart breaks. It totally sucks, I know it does, but that's a part of life even tho I wish it wasn't. It makes you stronger, a stronger person.




I thought about that when I was looking at the group of older people. I saw all of them laughing & talking & having a great time with each other. I thought about how their moms & dads had most likely passed away, but they still smile & go on with their lives. Or maybe they lost a brother, or maybe even their spouse. But they still smile each & everyday.

Like I've mentioned before I lost my Grandaddy Warring & my Gracie this past Summer. Each & every day I think about them, & all of our memories we shared with each other, & how I would give anything to be able to talk to them. Sometimes I cry, & sometimes I smile when I think about those memories, but either way it's still a part of life. Even tho I wish it wasn't : it is. But God promises that we'll all be with each other for eternity when we get to Heaven, & that's what helps me every day.


 & maybe that's what gets everybody else through everyday too. <3

The video below is called "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" By Rhett Akins. It's an amazing song, & so very true. <3

Hunter Sage Warring.

Hunter Sage is my brother. well, it's actually kinda confusing. let me explain - my older brother Robert was engaged to this girl named Amy. they broke up & about 2 months later she called Robert & told him she was pregnant. me, along with my whole family was excited/suspicious. excited - because Robert was going to have a baby! suspicious - because the time line didn't line up, because they broke up for awhile then got back together, & if she was 2 months pregnant, it couldn't be his. but we stuck with her, & waited patiently. Finally January 5, 2010 Hunter Sage Warring was born. Robert was so excited! he had prepared himself for holding Hunter, & being a dad, he was so happy! we kept Hunter for about 3 weeks after he was born. we noticed something wasn't right with Hunter. every time he ate, about 20 min later he would start puking it all back up. we thought it could of been his formula so we changed it, but it made it worse so we took him to the doctor. they found out that their was a hole in his digestive system, so that's why his formula wouldn't get to his stomach & came back up. but he had surgery & his stomach was fixed! YAY! 

a couple weeks later we got a DNA test, just to be sure. a week later the test results came back - Robert wasn't the father. it broke all of our hearts. Robert was so upset. he had it in head that Hunter was his son, then come to find out it wasn't his. we told Amy that Robert wasn't the father & she didn't have anything to say.....

Hunter stayed with us 5+ days of the week. just because Hunter wasn't Robert's didn't mean we weren't going to keep him. it's sad to say but God only knows where Hunter would be today if we didn't have him.....when we would go out to eat, or go to Spencer's soccer games everyone thought he was mine. they would look at me, look at Hunter, & have that look on there face like "oh my gosh she has a kid". i remember one time we went to Cracker Barrel, & i was holding Hunter. a waiter came by, tapped my shoulder, & said "CONGRATULATIONS!" it was quite funny, but he was just being nice. it didn't bother me, it didn't bother me one bit. 

also, i have a Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/morganwarring) & i have a album just for Hunter. i have all kinds of pictures of him. people who i don't know will comment on the pictures of him & say "he's cute! i didn't know you had a baby!" or something like that. also people who i went to school with will say stuff like "i  didn't know you had a baby!" if people ask me if Hunters mine i say yes, that's my baby boy. i always call him my baby boy.

so the months went on & Hunter grew. he grew in our hearts & in our family. i can remember Gracie smiling holding him, & being so happy with him. even when she was sick, if you brought Hunter into the room her face would light up. she loved that little boy like any of us great grandkids. 






i was there when he first started to smile too, i'll never forget that. he was laying in his seat, & we had a Winnie the Pooh figure above him. i walked over to Hunter & started singing "Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh...." & he smiled! it was awesome! i'll never forget that special moment :)

Hunter is such a blessing to me & my family. i was there when he was born, & i'm still there. it's amazing to see how much he's grown, & who he's grown to be. he has his own personality, he laughs, he knows who i am, he responds, he walks, when he gets a hold of my cell phone he'll hold it up to his ear & try to say "hello",& so much more. it's just so amazing. he's always in a good mood ; always smiling & wanting to play. he started walking a couple of weeks ago, & it made me cry! my little boy is growing up! yes, MY LITTLE BOY IS GROWING UP!!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                i know i've said this already, but i just can't believe how much he's grown up! he just keeps getting bigger, & bigger, & before i know it he's going to be talking & going to pre-school! oh my gosh!!! it kinda makes me sad...but it makes me VERY happy. :)

Hunter means more than anything to me. i'm always gonna be his Mo-Mo & love him & try to give him all i can. :) i never knew that the love i have for him existed. but i'm sure glad i do.

i love you baby boy <3

Valentine's Day.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and Valentine's Day is when you show the one you love you love them.


The last time I wrote in my blog I told you all how I found out some news from Duwayne that crushed me, & I didn't know what to do. We didn't break up, we just talked about everything, & it was settled. Of course I'm still hurt over the matter, but I'm not going to bring it up all the time & hurt our relationship even more. He knew what he did was wrong, & I'm not going to keep bringing it up. 



I've been in love with Duwayne ever since we started dating, & our love has grown so much, & it's still growing. We've both grown as people, & we've both grown in each other's love. I just can't describe my love for him. It's beyond words! <3










Well anyway, back to what I was saying, Valentine's Day was yesterday. I went to the bathroom & took a shower, & when I got out I looked in the mirror & saw that Duwayne wrote me a cute little note in the mirror. 
It might seem lame, but it ment so much to me! i love those cute little notes that just say i love you, it means so much to me! 




After school he had to go get my presents & his hair cut, so I waited around for him until he got here. When he walked in I was on the bed watching t.v. & he came in & cuddled with me. We watched some t.v. & then went into the living room. He kept asking me if I wanted my presets now or later, & I told him later, but he kept asking so I went ahead & opened them.







The first thing he gave me was a card. The card was really heavy, well heavy for a card. I pulled it out & on the front of it there was a picture of a tower, like off of a castle, & the words " You've got me believing that love is real - but nothing about this feels like reality. "  Then I opened it up & the the chorus part of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift was playing - that's why it was so heavy - & inside it said " Good thing I like fairy tales. " That was the PERFECT card for me, I'm the first to believe in fairy tales, & Duwayne is my knight in shining armor. :) 

He kept telling me that I might not like them or something, but I would never hate something that he got me. He told me to close my eyes, I did. I heard a bag rattling & he told me to open my eyes, & when I did he was holding "The Aristocrats" Dvd (One of my favorite disney movies I've been wanting to put in my collection) I was so excited! I looked up again & he had "Snow White" on dvd ( another disney movie I love & wanted in my collection!) And then I looked up again & he had "The Rules according to Jwoww" book. Jwoww is a person of the MTV show Jersey Shore, & she wrote a book. I absolutely LOVE it! I LOVE what he got me! He knows me so well! & him getting that just shows me he knows me so well! Gahhhh ; I'm so lucky! :)

After yesterday I realize now that he really does understand me/know me. I don't mean he never knew me or anything, but he went out all by himself & got me those things. He knows that I love Disney, & what Disney movies I wanted, he knows that I love Jersey Shore so he got me Jwowws book, & he knows that I love fairy tales, so he got me a perfect card! He is truly amazing, & I'm so blessed to have him.


I hope all of you all had an amazing Valentine's Day!

<3

the truth.

this week has been a very tough week for me. it's been very emotional, but it needed to happen. but now that it happened, i don't know what to do.


have you ever had something happen to you, but knew that there was more to the story then what was being told to you? that's what happened to me. this past summer a incident happened that was very hurtful, but i knew that there was more to the story & other things also happened that i knew wasn't the whole truth. i've had this feeling inside of me since June, & now it's February & the truth came out. last night actually. 


a while ago i posted on my blog about the situation. i talked to the people closest to me about the matter because i didn't know what to do. one side said that the other people telling me those things were just doing it to start drama. but then the other side said that it was the truth & they didn't want to admit it. 


the more the days went on it still ate me up inside. stuff wasn't adding up about the situation, & i did try to ignore it, but there was a reason why it kept coming back up. i prayed to God to help me with it, & he did. it hasn't been easy, but i'm trying.


just the thought that these things could be true killed me, but now knowing that they are true....i don't know what to do. i love Duwayne with all my heart & in relationships there's going to be mistakes made. i realized that a long time ago. but the one thing i didn't want him to do....he did. & he's been hiding it from me this whole time. i feel like i didn't matter, like he said "who care's about Morgan". i feel like i wasn't good enough, after 3 years of doing everything i could for him, he still did it. the one thing i didn't want him to do he did. he said he's always wanted to do it & that he just wanted to see what it was like. bullshit bullshit bullshit. if you think of that place....it's not hard to know what it's like & what goes on in there. he blamed other people & i've been so mean to them because of it. & when they tried to tell me the truth, i didn't listen. he told me he's been lying to me because was scared to lose me, & he thought it would just go away. every time i would bring it up or try to sort the situation out he'd yell at me & we would get in fights, & i'd end up bawling my eyes out telling him i was sorry for bringing it up - but he should of been the one telling me sorry. he sat there & watched me cry & say it was my fault each & every single time. i guess i understand why he lied, but that's not fair to me. he did those actions so he should of maned up & told me the truth. maybe i'm being to hard on him, but can you blame me? i found out other things to, & now i look like a total fool. it's been going on for longer than just this summer. i found out he's done it more than once. i think i'm the stupidest person alive, i look like a fool.


but you know something? after he told me the truth, i forgave him that second. i forgave him for everything, i forgave him for lying to me, i forgave him for what he did. breaking up didn't cross my mind, screaming at him didn't cross my mind - holding him while he was crying telling me he was sorry is what i did. i started crying too, & can't describe to you how it felt. my hearts broken from the truth. i'm still upset about everything, & i'm not sure how long it will take to stop these feelings. how do i know it won't happen again or that other things will happen? i don't, & thats what life's about - we don't know whats going to happen. & that's the hardest thing. 


i love Duwayne with all my heart & soul. he's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with, & i never want to lose him. i just hope he'll tell me the truth. i can't make him or anybody do something, or make them not do something. i thought that i was good enough for him not to do those things. i thought my heart & feelings ment something, but it really didn't. he can say that i did matter, but if i did he wouldn't of done what he did. you or anybody else can't tell me any different. it just breaks my heart to know that i didn't matter, after everything we've been through, & everything i've done for him. yes, i could be a bitch but that's no reason to do what he did. & i realize all of this now. hopefully i mean something to him now, so that he won't do stupid shit again. but i can only do so much, he's a big boy & can make his own decisions. 


i know that i sound like a bitch, but i can't help how i feel. i do love Duwayne, & i'm not going to break up with him, our love & our relationship is so much more than that - i'm just so hurt.


i'm praying that things will get better. <3

leader or a follower.

Hmmmmm, lets see here - are you a leader or a follower? 


Apparently, when people don't know you, don't know ANYTHING about you, & if you don't have proof/pictures on your Facebook about the things - it means your trying to be like them, because you all have similar things in common, & that makes you a follower of them.


NO, IT REALLY DOESN'T, IT MEANS YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SOMEONE & YOU THINK THEY WANNA BE LIKE YOU.


I'm so fed up with this High School drama. But, the funny thing is - they are the ones who start it. Makes total sense doesn't it? NOPE!


So, I guess I'm a follower Buddy Valastro because I like to bake & I'm going to open up my own Bakery - even tho I've been baking for hmmm, my whole life, & I've going to Culinary School? Good one.


Oh, & I guess I'm a follower of the Diesel Whores Association because I like trucks, - even tho I actually know stuff about trucks besides what a stack is, what you can call the truck, & what company makes the truck.


I do know one thing FOR SURE I'm not a follower of - I'm definitely not a follower of a CHEATER - I definitely don't go to strip clubs & get lap dances, I don't go on websites & get girls numbers so they can send pictures/videos of them selfs doing things, oh & last but not least - I don't let someone of the opposite sex sleep in the same bed, have sex with them & NEVER tell the person I'm dating & I'm supposedly "In Love With" the TRUTH.




So, when you meet someone & they show you what kind of stuff they like & the stuff they do, you should probably believe it. Just because they don't have pictures of every single freakin' thing they like or have, doesn't mean they don't have those things or they like things. Oh, & don't think they're trying to be like you. I mean seriously, who would want to be like you? Ha. Your just pathetic.  :)

Blah.

Nothing's really been going on lately.


Ohio is still snowy, I still miss everyone, I'm still doing my best to lose weight, & I need a job.


Well since Duwayne's playing Call Of Duty : Black Ops, I'll keep writing.


Since  January 1, 2011 I've lost 10 pounds. Today is January 28, 2011 - so I've lost either 2 or 3 pounds each week, & it hasn't been easy. I've been drinking 3 protein shakes a day, & when I do eat solid food I make the best choices I can. Like a grilled chicken sandwich or so. I've worked out some, but I feel a little uncomfortable doing it in my apartments gym. There are usually other people in their & they BLAST music I don't care for, & make me feel weird. I try to get over it as much as I can because in order to lose weight you need to burn calories, but it's just hard to when you don't want to because your uncomfortable. Where I used to live they had a huge place that you could go workout at, or play basketball, walk the track, lift weights, or swim - in the workout room there were T.V.'s for you to watch what you wanted to, & in order to watch it you needed to have head phones, so the noise wouldn't bother the other people working out, but here they have 2 T.V.'s they play loudly & then have a radio that BLARES Rap stuff & I feel that if I put headphones in my phone & listen to my Jason Aldean station on Pandora they'll think I'm to good for their music or something, I don't know, I'm weird I guess. & I don't have the money to pay $5 a day at a exercise place... so I can either workout at the apartments gym, or in my apartment on my Wii - even tho I need the Wii balance board to workout on the Wii - so basically I'm screwed & not burning the calories I could be burning. Things just take time.


UGH WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING BE EASYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!


But, ya know I'm doing the best I can & that's all I can do! 


I've talked to Nandy & she wants me to come down on my mom's Spring Break & then stay another week because then it will be my Aunt Mairbeth's Spring Break. So for 2 weeks I'd be down in Florida. It sounds like a great idea, & I'd love to do it, but I'm going to miss Duwayne. I know it's not like I won't ever see him again, I just know I'll miss him - but I want to spend as much time with my grandparents as I can since they moved to Florida. & Duwayne's Spring Break isn't until like the end of April. : \ I'm pretty sure I'm going to go. I've still been having some moments throughout the day of the past. I think of Nandy & Grandaddy's old house, & every memory I've had with them. I can't help but cry. :( I know I need to be stronger, but I can't help it. Does that make sense? & I've also been thinking about the future & getting upset. I think about getting old, the people I love getting old, & how someday they aren't going to be here & it makes me hurt so bad. Yes, I know that I can't think like that either, & I don't know why I have been. I think it's because of what happened this past Summer, when Gracie & Grandaddy passed away. I'm so scared now, I'm so scared of feeling that pain again, I'm just so scared. I know that nobody can live forever, & that one day I'll see everybody in Heaven again - I'm just such an emotional person : if it's not one thing it's another. But I've been getting better. Just keep me in your prayers please.


Well, there really isn't much else to say, so see ya later & God Bless! <3

Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's is a brain disease that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior.

My Granddaddy has Alzheimer's.

My Grandparents (Nandy and Grandaddy) flew up from Florida last week to attend a funeral; Grandaddy's sister passed away. The day they flew up I was leaving to go back to Cleveland, but they we're going to stay all week, so on Thursday when I came back home from Cleveland I dropped Duwayne off and went to go see them at my parents house.

It was about 8:30 p.m. and they were  listening to K-Love ( a local Christian station ). I thought they were asleep, but when I walked in Nandy's eyes got big and she said "Hey babygirl!" She sat up from bed and we hugged each other. Grandaddy was laying on the other side of the bed looking at me with his blue eyes. "Hey Grandaddy!" I leaned over and gave him a kiss on his forehead, and he didn't say a word. He had a look on his face, like he was happy to see me, but he had no idea why he should be happy to see me. I didn't say anything, I just looked away and started talking to Nandy. We talked about what's been going on, and how the flight was, and everything else for about 15 min. Grandaddy just layed there looking at me, smiling every so often when I looked at him, acting like he knew every single word I was talking about, but he had no idea. I was getting tired from the drive and I told them that I would come over tomorrow to come see them. I kissed them both goodbye, and drove back to Duwayne's house.

That night while I was laying in bed in the dark all I could think about was the past. I thought about how much I took for granted all of those times. I thought about how just 2 years ago he wasn't like this. I thought about Nandy and Grandaddys house. I thought about taking those simple trips to Baskin Robbins to get ice cream or yogurt with them. I thought about the Christmas's, Easter's, Birthday's, and other celebration's we had at their house. I thought about Summer when we would spend all day and night swimming in their pool.

 I thought about every single room of their house. I thought about the times when I was little and Grandaddy would mow the lawn he would let me ride on his lap. I thought about the 1,000's of times I rode my bike around their drive way. I thought about how everytime we came over Grandaddy would be sitting on the front porch drinking a diet coke, and how everytime we would leave he'd be doing the same thing. I thought about going to UK basketball games with him. I thought about him calling me his baby girl. I thought about everything. I thought about how Grandaddy use to know who I was, and now he doesn't.

We started seeing signs about 2 years ago. It started out Grandaddy would forget that someone called, then it grew to him going outside to get the mail and halfway outside he forgot what he was doing, then it grew to him not knowing who anybody was.

My Grandaddy has no idea who I am, or who anyone else is. I don't even know if he knows who Nandy is. He doesn't remember all of those memories, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't know anything.

I wish I could go back and do so much more. I wish I told him I loved him more, I wish I hugged him longer, I wish things were so much different.

Nandy is the one that I know is mostly hurt. The man she fell in love with, had a family with, and built a life with has no memory of any of it, and she deals with it each and every day. The second she wakes up she takes care of him. Cooks his meals, dresses him, and talks to him like nothing has changed. I don't think that she or anybody thought about if the one they fall in love with and marry will one day forget about them. But in the Bible it says -

1 Corinthians 13:4 - 13 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

That's what keeps Nandy going. She loves Grandaddy, and she would never give up on him. She's always going to be right there next to him and never think about giving up on him - because if it was the other way around, I know Grandaddy would be doing the same exact thing for the one he loves.

Just because Grandaddy has Alzheimer's doesn't mean that I should give up, or stop loving him like I did before. I still have hope that the Grandaddy I grew up with and spent my life with is still in there somewhere. I still have hope that someday he's going to come back and it be like it used to be. I still have hope that Grandaddy is going to call me his baby girl again.

<3

People.

Sometimes I wish I had the power of knowing why people do the things they do.


Why do people lie? Why do people steal? Why do people kill? Why do people love? Why do people abuse? Why do people say the things they say? Why do people act the way they do? Why, why, why?


That's always a question I've asked myself. & I've always wished that I had the answer to it.


I have a Facebook http://www.facebook.com/morganwarring & my status tonight was similar to this blog. I've had people walk all over me ;- & I use to take it & not say anything. They knew I wouldn't say anything. I would sit there & let them say/do things to me they knew was disrespectful. & I would take it. 


I'm a very sweet person, really I am. I've never been in a fight, talk to everyone, & don't start drama. So why do people think it's okay to disrespect me?


My New Years Resolution was to not take crap from anyone, & I've stood by it. :) I'm not going to let people walk all over me anymore or disrespect me & think it's okay.


If you can't respect me, & my feelings - your not going to be in my life.

Struggling with weight.

Being over weight has always been a problem for me. Since I can remember, I've always been bigger then my friends. I always knew I was, but it didn't really bother me. God made each and everyone of us, & I was fine with the way I was. I'm not saying it's God fault that I'm the way I am, no, I'm just saying he made me special like everyone else.



In my younger days, when me and my friends would go swimming they got to wear 2 pieces and I had to wear a 1 piece, and I never understood why. I didn't understand what "fat" or "skinny" ment. I never looked at people or thought of people that way. I can remember playing basketball, softball, and flag football with all my friends every day after school. And I can remember eating what they ate. So how did I become this size?



When I went into Middle School, that's where everything changed. I started to like boys, and wanted them to notice me. I can remember writing a note to this boy that I had a crush on for awhile. In the folded up piece of notebook paper I told him I liked him. The day after  he read the note, I saw him in the hallway at school and got butterflies in my stomach. Looking at him waiting for him to make eye contact with me, waiting for him to run over to me and grab my hand, and waiting for him to become my boyfriend I could feel a smile comming across my face. But soon that smile faded away. He looked at me and looked away and just kept walking. I can remember feeling so embarrassed, and feeling like everyone knew what happened and was looking at me. I went walked to my class and put my head down on my desk and started crying to myself. My friends asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell them what happened. I didn't want anyone to know. From then on I found myself being depressed, and not wanting to do anything. I would go home, get a "snack", do my homework, eat dinner, watch t.v., have another "snack", then go to bed. I gained weight like crazy and I told myself I couldn't keep doing what I was doing, I needed to get out, get healthy and have fun.

So, I tried out for the Lady Buff's Basketball Team. I loved playing basketball, and I knew that basketball would help me with working out. I made the team and the opposite of what I wanted to happen happened. I thought that since I was playing basketball and was practicing 5 days a week I could eat whatever I wanted and I would keep that weight off and the other weight I gained before. NEGATIVE! I gained even more weight! How did I let myself get to this point?

I kept the same weight from then untill the end of my 7th grade year. I remember looking in the mirrors at Rue 21 and seeing my whole body from all sides. From then on I exercised, walked home from school, ate salads, and ate right. I lost 25 pounds and was feeling wonderful inside! Summer came and gone, then 8th grade started. I kept off most of the weight but was still feeling good about myself. Basketball season started a week after school did and I knew we were going to be practicing and working out like crazy. I lost even more weight then before and was so happy! But, of course that soon changed. I got that set in my mind that since I was working out so hard I could eat 2 pieces of pizza and it wouldn't hurt me. But, 2 pieces of pizza grew to 3 pieces, water turned into Coke, and everything let go. I gained back all the weight I lost and was devastated. How did I get to be this way AGAIN!? Why did I think it was okay to stop doing what was working for me to lose weight?! Why, why, why?! I kept my weight in that same area for a while, but when basketball was over and I was already depressed about my weight, I just gained more. I kept telling myself, "Starting tomorrow I'm gonna start eating right and exercising" but we all know how that goes. I didn't.

High School was starting and I became even more nervous, stressed, and depressed as I have ever been. One of my biggest fears is walking in front of large amounts of people, because I don't want people looking at me. It's hard to explain, but I don't like the feeling of people looking at me, or talking about me. Even tho I know people do, I just don't want to give them a reason to. You might be asking yourself how I am like that when I played basketball. It's because when I played basketball it wasn't just me playing, it was me and 9 other girls and it wasn't just me everyone was looking at. But now, I was about to start High School with 6,000+ kids and teachers. I had to walk in the halls with total strangers, be around people that were older than me, people who knew I was large, and it killed me that I had no choice but to do it. I gained weight like crazy once again.

Every now and then I would actually watch what I ate, exercised like I did before, and lost weight. But, something would happen when I would just give up and not care anymore and gained weight again. Something would be going on with Gracie where she would be in the hospital and they thought that this was it. Or Duwayne and I would get in a fight, or break up. Or family issues were going on. It just seemed like there was always something going on and I couldn't deal with it and food was my comfort.

I have no one else to blame but me. It's no ones fault but my own, and I know that.

I didn't join any clubs because I didn't want to have to walk or talk in front of people, and I didn't go to basketball games because you have to walk in front of everyone no matter what you want to do. I did go to the football games, only because Duwayne played, you didn't walk in front of everyone to sit down, and you could get their early enough to get a seat when nobody was there. It's weird, I know it is.

Senior year finally came and I was at the weight where I was my 8th grade year. I was still big, but I was just used to it. At the beginning of the year Duwayne broke up with me and of course I became depressed. I gained about 10 pounds fast, and didn't even care. Was I not good enough for him? Did I not give him everything I could? Was I not skinny enough? What was wrong with me? All I did was cry and eat and I couldn't stop. Then, one day when I finally told myself that Duwayne wasn't coming back I decided that no guy was going to bring me down and so I lost weight. I lost 18 pounds and was feeling great. I was never hungry, and I was always on the go. Other guys were noticing me and that just helped me keep losing weight.

Duwayne and I got back together ( <3 ) and I was still in the same weight area. But, I got comfortable and told myself it wouldn't hurt to eat 3 pieces of pizza, but of course that changed to eating pizza all the time and drinking pop. I gained about 25 pounds and was so upset with myself. I started to not eat, have horrible head aces, have horrible stomach aces, and threw up. What I weighed then was the most I've ever weighed in my life, and I knew I had to do something.

In April I started a weight loss program called "Ageless Weight Loss". I drank 3 protein shakes, a protein bar, and a bowl of soup everyday. In the first month I lost 12 pounds. I couldn't believe I finally found something that worked for me. I was so happy with life.

From April - August I lost a large amount of weight and I was so happy!

I never thought I would of been able to get to that weight or size every again, but I did!

But of course, I told myself that it wouldn't hurt to eat just one piece of something. 1 piece turned into 3 pieces, and I started to not eat the way I should. I gained back all of the weight, and now I'm struggling with losing weight again.

Why do I listen to myself when I shouldn't? How can I tell and believe myself that one piece won't hurt - even when I know what will happen if I take just one bite. Why? I'm back at the same spot I was in April, after losing all that weight, after working so hard sweating my butt of in the gym, after seeing myself look amazing in a 2 piece swim suit like all my friends wore when we were little and I couldn't. I'm back at the same spot.

It's so depressing........

But for two days now I've started drinking the protein shakes again, eating right, and exercising. I can't tell if I lost anything ( I don't have a scale) but I know that I have to keep it up every single day.

Once you get to the weight and size you want to you can't just tell yourself  "Well I'm done, I can start eating whatever I like to now." It doesn't work that way. You have to watch everything you eat or drink, you have to exercise, and you can't give up. I've now realized this, I wish I did earlier, but you can't go back in time or change the past - you just have to move forward and work even harder.

So now here I am working my self to death once again to get back down to the size I was before.



Losing weight sucks. Period.